Monday, March 5, 2007

How can I work to be a better person.

So I have a new self question; I didn't find myself thinking much about my last one. I feel that this question will help me achieve something, learning from my mistakes and adapting to make them not happen again. This question will challenge me to admit things that I am not proud of because the first step to recovery is acceptance :D. I think that this question will also help me improve my life through trying to get rid of my procrastination and other bad habits. I will reveal the bad addictions that I have, then attempt to do something to rid them. So here it goes.

One of my biggest problems is procrastination. I do it every day, multiple times a day. I can't seem to stay away from it, like an addiction. To me procrastination is an escape from reality, avoiding the inevitable, pretending it won't come. I procrastinate only on things that I find to be "work". There is a fine line between work and leisure, work being something that I do not enjoy doing, and leisure something that I find fun, and that I look forward to.

School work is definitely not fun for me. I do not like doing it and it takes effort sometimes. If I had a choice I would do something else like post on an internet forum, or surf youtube for some interesting videos. Apparently I do have that choice; and apparently I mostly choose to avoid doing my work. I can't help it, I can't do my work if I can do something else, I can't get it into my head that if I do it now, I wont have to later.

I've tried to fix my schoolwork dilemma before, but it has been hard. Maybe it has worked for a few nights, getting my homework done the first few hours after school ends, but after that I am dragged into the world of procrastination yet again. I am seduced by the thought of having fun. I try to fix that, I try to stay at school, somewhere that I don't have access to as much things that I would rather do. But, school has open computer labs that have access to the internet, school is where my friends stay, school has sports equipment and a snackbar. Is there not a place I can go be alone with my work? The library is a possibility, but I sometimes need a computer for work, and most computers at the library are connected to the internet. Outside is a possibility, but again there are makeshift ways of having fun outside, picking grass or tearing leaves. Directed study hall could work, but I don't want to be known as the kid that needs to go to those. I must train myself, starting tonight. If I really want it, I will succeed.

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